Post by OLIVIA GRACE DAYSHILE on Mar 10, 2013 17:56:37 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 440px; height: 400px; background-image: url(http://i51.tinypic.com/ngx4hu.jpg); -moz-border-radius: 250px; border-radius: 220px 220px 0px 0px; border: 0px solid #414141;] olivia grace dayshile twenty-one | 2010 | female | suicide | kerti pahk "such a pretty face," they all would say, "bright smile, always a helping hand." Don't you hate that? Don't you hate how people only can see so far into a person? I do. I admit, though, i don't know if i'd be able to handle if people could see everything in my mind either, but i hate being stuck in a box. And that box is impossible to get out of. Not even a contortionist could modify their body enough to strain a new form without being set aside in another box. It would just be an ever ending story. I just couldn't handle constantly being put into that box. I was done, and now i'm here. I suppose there is more that could be explained to that. I took my own life to get out of the suburban box that was my life. I suppose no one would have seen it coming considering as far as they were concerned there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. I was this blonde girl, smile on her face, constantly stuck reading a book or writing, quiet, but polite enough for them to accept. The worst that ever happened to me was when i was just a little girl i used to get picked on for wearing glasses or always being stuck in a book. They had no one else to pester at the time, so why not pick on the "four eyes" with the make belief friends. Other than that, why would i do anything like this? There are a few things that ultimate lead to it. The love of my brother for one, and what can i only assume that he was murdered. They never did find him, and if someone had found him i was certainly not informed. One doesn't just suddenly disappear, no note, no goodbye. He would never do that to me. We were best friends. He was the only one i could ever talk to about my troubles as i contemplated the world, where i was his one place where he could tell me of his own vices. It was not his fault that he was homosexual. That's just how he is. But it's not like he could openly say that for the majority of his life. Myself, and my mother were those who knew, but mother denied it. I was the only one that embraced it. After he disappeared i was lost. I didn't know what to do with myself in a world full of so much disappointment. I don't know why the world disappointed me so. I've never failed a thing in my life, i've always achieve what i've let myself achieve, my parents were happy enough. I never had someone to love beyond my family and maybe a few of the friends i, rather, adored in school. There's nothing plain about me, but rather that i never felt the need to have some consistent social life like everyone else does. Besides, when you are alone at home because your parents detour from one another at the disappearance of their only son, it's easy to lock yourself in your bathroom without them noticing. To be honest, i don't even know if they were home. At first i took pills for reassurance. i didn't think that cutting myself would be enough. Almost directly after i did end up cutting myself and let the blood drip down into the bathtub. It took a long while, but eventually i faded to that area of darkness. I didn't mind, as my mind drew itself out of consciousness i allowed myself to sing some sort of melody in my mind. Painful, yet i was peaceful. i'm perfectly happy with being alone. I love the idea that maybe one day i'd be sitting there in a coffee shop reading and that i'd find one person to talk to me because they saw what i was reading. Maybe we'd fall in love and that was the only person i'd need. Of course, now that i have found my way in the afterlife i know that is something that could never be true. I like the idea of changing things a little while i'm here, maybe finding people that are interesting, that i can actually talk to. I'd like that. Maybe i could write my own story in the afterlife. Gather papers and then when it was done leave it in the open for someone to find. brandynnleigh | 19 | 7-8 years | western canada |
